Questions

So since Thurs night when my grandma died I've had lots of questions running through my head. Not sure how to express them all. But the big one right now is that I'm questioning how I'm feeling.

You know humanly speaking I'm supposed to be sad right now. I do but more for the other people who are affected by her death. The only problem is that I feel happier than I do sad. Not because I'm glad she's gone but because she's no longer in pain. She no longer has to worry about her heart, diabetes, and all her medication that went with it. She is now living in a total worry free world.

Five years and three months ago my Uncle Nathaniel died. At the graveside service I had this small picture play through my mind of my grandma meeting him and telling him all things that have happened in the last five years. It brought me to tears but it was a mourning of joy.

Maybe it's alright if I feel this way but I am questioning it right now.

Talk by Coldplay

Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you
Cos I don't know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and
I want to talk to you
Oh I want to talk to you

You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung, or do
Something that's never been done

Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle?
You can't find your missing piece
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me

So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung, or do
Something that's never been done, or do
Something that's never been done

So you don't know where you're going
But you want to talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You'll tell anyone who will listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all

Let's talk
Let's talk

Let's talk
Let's talk

So I've started listening to Coldplay recently. I'm liking them a lot.

Who

So who is God?  I've been taught all my life who God is supposed to be.  He is the all knowing, sin hating, human lover, creator of this world.  

My thinking of him has been majorly shattered in the last few weeks.  Or maybe it hasn't.  Maybe some of the things that i have been taught I have come to more of a realization of them.  Not sure anymore.  

Infant Salvation

I had an interesting thought today about Jesus and salvation.  When Jesus was born, it was the invasion of earth by God and his power.  Satan had control of most of the world.  But the entrance of a Savior of the World could change that for him.  Satan immediately tries to get rid of Jesus.  He used the wise men who were coming to worship Jesus to make Herod mad and want to get rid of Him.  But what would have happened if Herod would have killed Jesus?  Could God have used the death of an infant to save the world? 

Leaving the Mennonites

ok ok your probably jumping to conclusions when you read that title.  "Wait he's leaving us, sombody stop him."  No that is not true.  But I did come across some a very interesting article(s) by an ex mennonite only a few years older than myself.  

He starts out with the beginnings of his questioning the mennonite belief system.  I found it very interesting that he points back to music as the beginning of his journey.  I can somewhat relate to that.  I found it challenging that he not only questioned the beliefs in his church but also thought through them himself.  I find myself disagreeing with people sometimes but not really studying it myself.  Check out the first article here.

I'm impressed with how he opens himself up in article 2.  You can see that his attitude is right.  By right, I mean that he is not lashing out at the Mennonite beliefs. As seen in later articles, he did not leave only because of his disagreements.  He also put a lot of thought into his decision. He tried to keep healthy relationships inside the church even when he was deciding to leave.  Check out the second article here.

Part three is less about what he believes and more on what he thinks the mennonite church could inprove in.  It is specifically directed toward older people who struggle to understand younger people.  He gives three major ideas that youth generally have that older people tend to forget.  He also notices the gap between the older and younger generation, which is not the way the church should be and it hurts both sides.  Check out article three here.  

The fourth and final article is somewhat of a continuation of the third although this one is directed toward dissatisfied youth.  He gives some very good insites on keeping relationships healthy within the church even if you are thinking of leaving.  Just because you may want out, doesn't mean the people in the church don't love you for who you are.  Check out article four here.  

I have been blessed to hear the thought processes of someone who has left the Mennonite church.  Sometimes we get caught up in all that is wrong in our Churches and Youth groups that we forget how much community and life we have.  I want to continue the good and work on improving everything.  Sure it won't always be always but it was I want to continue to do.  

DO HARD THINGS

Just finished reading Do Hard Things by Alex & Brett Harris.  I’d recommend this book for any teenager looking for something else in life.  The authors also started the Rebelution website. 

 

The book gives an insight into the low expectations our culture has for teenagers.  Think about, if we do something to strive for excellence, the first thing most ppl say is, “At least there not doing drugs, having sex, etc.”  Well it doesn’t have to be that way.  Teenage years are not the time to party and have fun.  Not necessarily that you can’t have fun, but that should not be the main focus. 

 

We need to strive above and beyond what the cultural norm is.  We need to DO HARD THINGS.  Whether that be doing little normal things continually day after day or joining forces with other ppl to decrease world hunger.  All are part of the kingdom of God.  We Don’t need to wait until we are “grownup” to further the kingdom of God. 

 

Personally, I need to continue searching for God and finding what he wants me to strive for.  There are so many things I can do.  But am I willing.  Are we willing to do what God wants us to do?  Are we willing to lay aside our own ambitions for the kingdom of God?  

Hands Held High by Linkin Park

In my living room watching but I am not laughing
Cause when it gets tense I know what might happen

World is cold the bold men take action
Have to react to get blown into fractions

Ten years old is something to see
Another kid my age drug under the jeep

Taken and bound and found later under the tree
I wonder if he thought the next one could be me

Do you see the soldiers they're out today
They brush the guts with bullet proof vests away

It's ironic at times like this you pray
But a bomb blew up the mosque yesterday

There's bombs in the buses, bikes, roads
Inside your market, your shops, your clothes

My dad he's got a lot of fear I know
But enough pride inside not to let that show

My brother had a book he would hold with pride
A little red cover with a broken spine

On the back, he handwrote a quote inside
When the rich wage war it's the poor who die

Meanwhile, the leader just talks away
Stuttering and mumbling for nightly news to replay

And the rest of the world watching at the end of the day
In their living room laughing like "what did he say?"

[Chorus]
Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen

I've heard this song several times the last few weeks but never really heard the lyrics until yesterday.  The second verse is amazing.  It's somewhat humorous how it pokes fun at the government in a round about way.  

Beautiful Day by U2

The heart is a bloom 
Shoots up through the stony ground 
There's no room 
No space to rent in this town 

You're out of luck 
And the reason that you had to care 
The traffic is stuck 
And you're not moving anywhere 

You thought you'd found a friend 
To take you out of this place 
Someone you could lend a hand 
In return for grace 

It's a beautiful day 
Sky falls, you feel like 
It's a beautiful day 
Don't let it get away 

You're on the road 
But you've got no destination 
You're in the mud 
In the maze of her imagination 

You love this town 
Even if that doesn't ring true 
You've been all over 
And it's been all over you 

It's a beautiful day 
Don't let it get away 
It's a beautiful day 

Touch me 
Take me to that other place 
Teach me 
I know I'm not a hopeless case 

See the world in green and blue 
See China right in front of you 
See the canyons broken by cloud 
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out 
See the Bedouin fires at night 
See the oil fields at first light 
And see the bird with a leaf in her mouth 
After the flood all the colors came out 

It was a beautiful day 
Don't let it get away 
Beautiful day 

Touch me 
Take me to that other place 
Reach me 
I know I'm not a hopeless case 

What you don't have you don't need it now 
What you don't know you can feel it somehow 
What you don't have you don't need it now 
Don't need it now 
Was a beautiful day 

They All Fall Down

To the naked, untrained eye
Who can't see time fly by
Revolving on a carousel
Living life like a modern day fairytale...
Slow mo', urgent message gets a no-go
What fo'
Can't nobody tell you
Everything is lovey dovey
Till your plans fall through...
They all fall down

These are the lyrics to the song They All Fall Down by Grits (a hip-hop band for those who don't know) It's kinda the expression of my life right now. Not knowing exactly which way to go. Then when you think you know where you're going you fall flat on your face. You get up to face the world again to find God waiting to push you on.

story

This is an incredible story.

I have no idea if Kris Hogan is a Christian or not. I do know one thing, he portrayed the attitude and actions of someone who is following Christ. Praise God, there are people in this world who will sacrifice to give someone else a glimpse of hope.

I Don't Want to Fight by Derek Webb

I don’t want to be right anymore
I don’t want to be good
I don’t want to change your mind
to feel it like I do

I don’t wanna sell graves
peddle them door to door
a little something to ease your mind
and prepare you for what’s in store

[Chorus]
I don’t want to fight
brother I’m not joking about peace
we can have it here tonight
it all comes down to you and me

you never asked me to save anyone
not in whole or in part
like I was some kind of Holy Ghost
come to change their hearts

[Chorus]

you know the tree by the fruit
but just between me and you
I never do what I want
I do what I’m taught
and I’ve been learning a lot
about the violence I’m capable of

so I’m walking away from this
before I hurt someone
’cause I’m facing enemies
on both sides of the gun

Lay It Down by Matt Maher

Everything I am
Everything I long to be
I lay it down at Your feet

Everything I am
Everything I long to be
I lay it down at Your feet

I lay it down
I lay it down
I lay it down
At Your feet

Oh pearl of greatest price
No act of sacrifice
Can match the gift of life I find within Your gaze
Oh, what a sweet exchange
I die to rise again
Lifted up from the grave into Your hands of grace

Movie Makers

I've been following a story on The Rebelution. The event is the fifth annual San Antonio Independent Christian Film Festival and the Fourth annual Christian Filmmakers Acadamy. Amazing, over 450 people attended. They started on Monday and will continue through Saturday. It is amazing the amount of people inside the Christian domain who are interested in making movies.

The things they are talking about are quite interesting. On Tuesday they had a man who actually made a fight scene.

Today Stephen Kendrick was speaking. He is the producer of three films, Flywheel, Facing The Giants, and Fireproof.

Numb by Linkin Park

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
Every step I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I've becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

“We Really Do Need Each Other”

by Reuben Welch 

You know something—

we’re all just people who need each other. 

 

We’re all learning

            and we’ve all got a long journey ahead of us.

                        We’ve got to go together

                                    and if it takes us until Jesus comes

                        we better stay together

                        we better help each other.

            And I dare say

                        that by the time we get there

                                    all the sandwiches will be gone

                        and all the chocolate will be gone

                        and all the water will be gone

                        and all the backpacks will be empty.

            But no mater how long it takes us

                        we’ve got to go together.

                        Because that’s how it is

                        in the body of Christ.

            It’s all of us

                        in love

                                    in care

                                                in support

                                                            in mutuality—

                                                                        we really do need each other.

 

Between the lines

 

This

            is

                        not

                                    automatic.

                                                I am personally responsible.

                                                            So are you.